When I was first dabbling in blogging, I put together a post that was a sort of nontraditional resume of sorts. Even though I'm certainly not looking for employment -- I have an awesome job -- I thought it was time to give it a bit of an update.
Sure, I can program. And architect a normalized database. I can write W3C compliant HTML and CSS, and create slick effects with jQuery. I can PHP, e-commerce, and content manage with the best of them. Lots of developers can do that. What sets me apart? I'll tell you.
I can sleep for as many as 20 hours at a time and as few as 20 minutes. I have in the past worked 60 hours in a 64 hour period of time. Given a small space and $35, I can convert any environment into a relaxing, enjoyable place to work.
I can give a cat a bath without sustaining significant injury.
With the right instruments, I simply cannot be stopped. Physically. Walls cannot deter me, locks will not disuade me.
I can manouver very successfully through large crowds of people without disrupting anyone. I can introduce myself to someone, pump them for any information I need, and be forgotten within 10 minutes.
I can eat anything edible.
I can drive a stick shift. I can teach you to drive a stick shift. I can teach you to teach someone to drive a stick shift.
Feigning interest is not a problem; I can listen along with the best of them. Politicians, telemarketers, the elderly: it makes no difference. They will all sincerely believe that I care about what they are talking about.
I can endure hours of repetitive tedium. Standing in line, staking out locations, waiting at airports and bus terminals-- these activities are not an issue.
I know all the warp zones in Super Mario Brothers 1, 2, and 3.
I have yet to lose in a staring contest. I can successfully ignore the constant ringing of telephones. I make a damn good western omelette. Or standard omelete. Or quesadilla. In 3 minutes flat.
I know how to not show astonishment when suddenly confronted with a celebrity personality. I can properly set up a fish tank. Fresh- or salt-water.
I'm not afraid to punch someone in the face. I certainly don't want to -- I'm generally a pretty passive guy -- but I would have no qualms with putting a firm right cross to someone's face if it came in the line of duty.
I can say the word "duty" with a straight face. See? Duty.
I can run a 13 minute mile.
With only 24 hours notice, I could go "off the grid" and completely disappear for up to a month if necessary. Two months with 72 hours notice.
I own my own tuxedo. I clean up real good.
I always know someone who works, or used to work, or knows someone who works or used to work there. I can successfully create a diversion. I can jump off things. Lots of things.