To My Andy:
Way back in 2006 when you proposed to me, I remember being completely overwhelmed with a number of emotions. Most could certainly be filed in the Super-Happy Category but there were a few that felt a little out of place. I don’t think I was prepared to also feel a sense of loss along with all the fantastic elation. It made me feel really frustrated, like something was broken inside of me that I couldn’t just be 100% over the moon that I had found a wonderful man, a nearly perfect man, who loved the crap out of me and I him. It took me a minute to realize that there was a certain part of my life, a whole big dramatic chapter, that was over. I would never get it back. There would never be another time like it and acknowledging that was ok. I could be sad about not having what I used to have and happy about this new fantastic acquisition all at the same time.
Over the course of the last few months I have found myself in a similar place. I’m so excited to meet The Captain and learn all about her. I’m excited about the new adventures we’ll have and the new way we’ll learn to love each other and our baby girl, but at the same time I will really miss being just us. I have been making every effort to be consciously aware of the last few months of having you all to myself. I feel so lucky to have had four whole years of being mostly carefree and somewhat irresponsible.
Remember that time we were both sick and every single night for five nights in a row we ordered Gatto’s pizza and ate it in bed while we watched TV? Or how about the time we got to the end of a week long vacation in Florida only to realize we had sixteen dollars left in our bank account, a drive across the state in our rental car back to the airport to contend with, and no food money for the whole day. Three straight meals of fake Pringles later we were home again and no worse for the wear. And then there is that time we decided to pack our suitcases and our Border Collie in our car and head to California for a month a mere seven days after cooking up the idea. And then we did it again the next year. Who needs a savings account when you have sunshine?
I am very much looking forward to adding another little member to Team Soell and cooking up some new adventures for all of us. The Captain has no idea how lucky she is to have a papa as sweet and wonderful as you.
All my love,
Taken a mere 24 hours before discovering we were pregnant. Ah, blissful ignorance :).