I typically love the fresh start feeling that the new year brings with it. I love making lists and goals and planning for the future. I have journal pages full of plans. Some things I actually accomplish, some things live continuously on my Big Picture List, some attempts are met with failure, and some things I have to let go.
If I were to measure life by my lists, 2012 brought more in the failure and letting go department than accomplishment.
Letting go is hard. Even if the thing you are letting go of isn’t something you particularly love and isn’t treating you well, it’s still a struggle. The relinquishing of control and moving forward into the foggy unknown requires patience, hope and faith that everything will ultimately be ok. I am going to be honest, I’m scared and anxious and my head feels like its full of nothing but question marks. I am struggling to find the energy to put toward a new beginning.
Over the last few weeks I’ve been writing my new journal entries, making my new plans, writing my new lists. It’s been slow going and there have been a lot of moments I just want to go back to what I know and where I’m comfortable. I don’t want to be brave. I don’t want to embrace change. I don’t want to move on.
I ran across this quote somewhere on the internets and I scribbled it down on a piece of scrap paper that I find myself pulling out daily. It brings me a lot of comfort and inspires me to put one foot in front of the other on the days when I can’t quite figure out where I’m going and I want to hide out on my couch and watch a never ending string of Gilmore Girls episodes.
Here’s to a new year (a month and some change late) and starting where you are.